fiasco.

yesterday was saint patrick's day. supposedly, this whole crew of people were going to the city. but of course, everyone backed out besides myself and andrew, so we hopped the train at 12:30. we got into the city before 1:30 and we met up with eric mcguire, jen murphy, her dad and her two friends. andy and i drank on the train and it's safe to say we were feeling nice by about 2:30.

we started on 46th street, stopped a few places along the way to desmond's, which is on park between 29th and 30th. eric used to work there. they had an amazing cornbeef sandwich which ruled. we met up with appio there. jimtoxicated came through. kelswizzle and krystal also made an appearance. pat elliot came through with his cousin from ireland. by the time i left there, i was totally shitbombed and it was about 7pm. we took a cab to ludlow and hit up motor city, hoping that our boy dan would be bartending, but he wasn't. we had fun either way.

me and andy took the train back a little before 10. we actually took the wrong train, but luckily it transferred in secaucus so we didn't get fucked. we got to dingos around 11 and andy wound up passing out in the back of d-block's pervert van and getting a ride home. i drank a lot of shots and chilled with jannson, addie, missy, laura, freddy and mad other people. i met some bird with a boyfriend but she gave me her number anyway. i stayed there until closing and beyond, and finally left around 3:30 to meet up with my brother, jay and missy at the bunker.

i put a bunch of flicks from the parade on myspace if ya wanna peep em. next year, people better get their shit together and come to the city.

egos.

wow. the human ego is so over-inflated and so easily breakable at the same time. it's such an interesting organism. so yesterday, i put up a few posts. two of them were song lyrics for 'you fail me' by converge and 'ain't it fun' by the dead boys. two super awesome songs. go listen to them on my myspace page before i change them. the third post was just some random thing that i wrote out of inspiration from the other two. ok fine.

so after i post this shit, i get messages from people telling me to relax and asking if i am talking about them, or who i'm talking about, etc. fucking insane. so let me break it down. what i wrote yesterday was not about one particular person. it was more of a conglomerate statement that encompassed about a decade's worth of shitbags who have wasted my time and heart over the years. sorry to burst anyone's bubble, but i don't give a shit about anyone enough at this point in time who would single-handedly be worth so much hatred. that's definitely a built up collective inspired by many different people.

now, on the other hand, i did put a bulletin on myspace today about 'friends' that don't return text messages. now that was personally directed at a few different people who have been mad shady lately. i'm not a complete dick so i'm not gonna mention names, but they know who the fuck they are.

and when i'm talking about people not returning texts, i'm not talking about some random 3am drunk text. i'm talking about in the middle of the afternoon. dinner time. you know, times when people are up and about. so like even if you can't hang out or whatever, at least have the fucking common courtesy to be like 'hey sorry i'm busy lemme hit you up tomorrow'. something. anything. because i know you saw that fucking text message. don't try telling me your phone was off or any of that bullshit. or, what you can really do is grow some fucking balls and tell me why you really can't answer my texts instead of just being a pussy and ignoring them.

people seem to forget who the fuck i am, and that i know everything. always. and if i don't know it now, it's only a matter of time until i find out. so there's really no need to be shady with me. and i'd respect you a lot more if you were just honest, regardless of our past personal history. so if you wanna get back with your alcoholic ex-boyfriend, that's fine. if you wanna go bang out some little boy at your job who feeds you drugs, whatever. if you wanna write off people that you've known for 8 years for people that you've known for 6 months, so be it. you do what the fuck you gotta do. just don't forget the people that were there for you when you needed it. because that's just dick if you do. and it's a good way to get yourself permanently cut out of my life. word up.

and for real. if you leave it off like that, don't even try to come running back to me when you get fucked over. because you will get fucked over eventually. and i hope you realize that.

and then my friends, that last post might just apply to you as well. don't forget that. and don't turn into one of those tombstones. because that would be a true shame. so start learning how to act.

<333

mine.

lay my last memories of you into a shallow grave
think back to how sweet your eyes used to be
the warm seduction of your lying tongue
my warped brain had you on a pedestal
now it has you face down in a ditch
the rotting carcass of someone who was never real
i see through those eyes
deep into that arctic soul
and i know that you will die alone
you travel with wolves who crave your flesh
who bare their teeth and suck you dry
and they will find another feast
once your bones have been picked clean
nothing left for the vultures
my heart is full of tombstones
i visit them every day
leave flowers for those loved ones
who have all just faded away

converge.

you fail me with every fatal crush
you fail me with every abandoned love
you fail me with your inferno fuck me eyes
that burn as fuel for my city and its neon lights
burn bright white line fever take them all
you fail me with your new dead end dream
you fail me with your pill box fantasy
you fail me as love's greatest war
that was never worth
you were never worth fighting for
dying living dying living dying everyday
living dying living dying living everyday
you think you are a poet
in your eyes you are a star
who lives through a fantasy of rising above
you think you're a victim
but you live as a drunk
that has never sacrificed that has never loved
you think you are tragic but i know you are lost
you have walked the fault lines
and you have crossed them all
this world doesn't fight you, you fight yourself
thinking we fail you
you fail yourself

deadboys.

Ain't it fun when you're always on the run
Ain't it fun when your friends despise what you've become
Ain't it fun when you get so high that you just can't come
Ain't it fun when you know that you're gonna die young

It's such fun... such fun

Ain't it fun when you're taking care of number one
Ain't it fun when you feel like you just gotta get a gun
Ain't it fun when you just can't seem to find your tongue
Cause you stuck it too deep into something that really stung
It's such fun

Well somebody come up to me, they spit right in my face
But I didn't even feel it, it was such a disgrace
I punched my fist right through the glass
But I didn't even feel it, it all happened so fast

It's such fun, such fun, such...

Ain't it fun when you tell her she's just a cunt
Ain't it fun when she splits and leaves you on the bum
Ain't it fun when you've broken up every band that you've ever begun
Ain't it fun when you know that you're gonna die young

It's such fun, such fun, such...
Having a real fun time, such fun, such fun
No Fun

upcoming shit.

well tomorrow, it's official. brian macko is getting married. i'm in the wedding and i have to wear a tuxedo with a purple vest. sweet. i'm gonna look like frankenstein in that thing with my pasty, shiny ass head. but its gonna rule. i am going to get shitbombed at the reception and hump everything on the dancefloor if i am capable of standing. i plan on taking a ton of flicks, and i think i'm gonna bring a flask with me. like that's necessary.

anyway, once this wedding is done, saint patty's day is tuesday and we'll be going to the city to get nasty. and in two weekends from now there is a fun-filled couple days of events for you all. peep the flyer game:

friday 3.27.09


saturday 3.28.09


also on the 28th: shape, larry hobson and max jerome are doing a show at the locker room in lyndhurst. its not a DE show, so i don't have an official flyer for it from us, but those are my dudes. if you're in that hudson county area go hit that up. my dude dominick from starlight tattoo is putting it on and hopefully me and him can collabo on some more hip-hop events in the future.


<333

green.

i put this up on myspace and facebook, but just in case you don't see those, i'll put it here as well:

sweet jesus almighty...

amazing grace on the bagpipes can bring tears to my eyes at just about any time.

it always reminds me of my grandfather who's been dead for almost 20 years now. he is where my irish blood comes from and he loved saint patrick's day. in his older years, his arthritis was so bad that he could barely move, so he had to watch the parade on tv. i remember watching it with him. i always make sure to celebrate on that day in honor of him.

and i dont wear stupid green outfits, stupid hats, blinking glasses, necklaces, get my face painted or any of that other hokie ass tourist bullshit. that's for fucking chumps, amateurs and people who aren't even irish and just want an excuse to drink. fuck off.

i wear black on saint patricks day, because the green is in my heart and it always will be. i don't need a green t-shirt that says "lucky" to be irish.

i will be going to the city this year. i missed the parade last year for the first time in 9 years and i was extremely pissed off. i requested off almost a year in advance.

oh yeah, and saint patricks day is MARCH 17th. and you go to manhattan. 5th avenue. its not march 7th or march 14th in hoboken or west orange or anywhere else. you don't celebrate christmas on december 13th do you? no. you don't.

if you wanna go, we will be taking the train from most likely passaic. i'd like to be on the train no later than 11am. let me know.


ON A SIDE NOTE: when i die, i want my casket to be lowered into the ground as the sun is setting, and i want bagpipes being played. if you're around when i go, please make sure this happens.