our eagles become our vultures.

(unfinished. click for larger version)

one of the many things i completely wasted my time and effort on over the last month or so.

bad luck wind.

(performed by johnny cash. written by glenn danzig. amazing.)

Bad luck wind been blowing at my back
I was born to bring trouble to wherever I'm at
Got the number thirteen tattooed on my neck
When the ink starts to itch, then the black will turn to red

I was born in the soul of misery
Never had me a name
They just gave me the number when I was young

Got a long line of heartache
I carry it well
The list of lives I've broken reach from here to hell
Back luck been blowing at my back
I pray you don't look at me, I pray I don't look back

I was born in the soul of misery
Never had me a name
They just gave me the number when I was young

I was born in the soul of misery
Never had me a name
They just gave me the number when I was young
They just gave me the number when I was young

modern human anatomy.

(via)

crash and burn.

our memories are slowly sinking gravestones. the tombs of faces and places that are dead in our mind. love is a chemical reaction to stimulus. the heart is merely a muscle. moments appear genuine. they are anything but. they will always fade and make you remember why you killed them all in the first place. the falsity of the human soul is widespread and disheartening. loyalty and appreciation are now archaic ideals. held true by the suckers of the world who remain human in a digital age of impersonal communication. who only have but a human heart to offer. this is all a load of shit. everything that ever means anything will be lost. insignificant moments in time. they consume days or decades. and they all mean nothing. we all know it. and we all still hold on for dear life. hoping for luck in a crap shoot. you are born alone. you will die alone. and everything in between is a deception. rich or poor. struggle or excess. it is all the same load of shit. so suck it up buttercup. suck the cock of life. forced down your throat like a battered wife. we are buried alive from conception. neck deep in this private pyle world of shit. gone and forgotten in the blink of an eye.

fucked.

so i know i haven't been posting much recently. and people have actually hit me up asking why. i have been a busy boy. i've been working on this division east dvd layout non-stop. but naturally, we have to totally scrap the title due to a conflict of interest with some associates. i made all this sick cover art and a logo and a ton of other shit and it just fucking figures that after i put all this time and effort into something, it turns to total shit and i am back at ground fucking zero. that's been happening to me a lot lately. i gotta start a whole new concept and artwork for this dvd now, which will be taking up a lot of my time this weekend and next week. next week i'm gonna post some of the artwork that i had to scrap on this project so far. i was really siked on it. anyways, here's some random shit that i've collected in the past couple weeks. suck it.

obsession.

been heavy grinding lately. all kinds of print and web work. for starts i finally finished a long running project for my homegirl tara. she does writing, producing, directing and voice-overs for the likes of such channels as VH1, Syfy, IFC, Food Network, TBS and a ton of others. basically she wanted a fairly plain and simple website, and we went back and forth since early this year with design concepts and changes, etc. so the final product is finally done and it will definitely blow up my spot and get me some major exposure which i am fully stoked on.

http://www.tararao.com/

next up is this major dvd release i am doing for division east. title is going to be toxic avengers. my man davy is filming and editing. it looks super sick. all shot in super8 and the soundtrack is awesome. skating is awesome. lotta fresh young talent killing it in the streets. so naturally, i have to step it up for the packaging, artwork and everything else.

layout is a 4-panel digipak 5x7. the thick cardboard joint with the plastic inlay inside and a foldout poster. it will be laid out basically like this. i have most of the front cover done, but i'm not going to preview the any of dvd artwork before the premieres. but it is looking pretty dope i can tell you that. i do have a super rough concept draft of the basic logo though:

the final version is gonna be tweeked a little more with all kinds of like toxic waste barrels and nuclear silos and all types of shit. but this is gonna be the general feel of the text.

in addition to all the print work and packaging, i'm also doing all of the on-screen stuff aka dvd menus, titles and credits. this project is definitely consuming my life pretty heavily. well that and jamesons. but what else is new.

we were originally doing the premiere for the video at the clairidge theater on bloomfield ave in montclair, but they gave us a date and then pushed it back a month so we scratched it. instead we are going to do a series of premieres at five different places. i just sent out the artwork for this ad which will be in the upcoming issue of focus.

(colors are slightly off on this because its a copy of the actual print version and doesn't show up in true form on normal monitors)

so needless to say, i've been a busy boy. i'm also trying to finish up lunch, dinner and take-out menus for the avenue bistro in clifton but i'm still waiting for some more info from them. next projects are going to be some business cards for tara (see above), possibly stickers for fleshtemple if madden and pete can get me logos and whatever i need and then my own website because i need to start really grinding and getting my name out there and stop stressing over silly little things in my life. word the fuck up.

looney bin.

(inspired from reading drunk text messages from last night)

Sometimes I step outside myself and take a look at how fucking crazy I actually am. I think back to being young and how since childhood I was always separated from other kids in school due to my genius level IQ scores and getting college level scores on tests from as early as the 2nd grade. Shit man I was able to read full english at age 3 without ever being taught. But I never wanted any of that shit. I just wanted to be a regular ass kid.

I want to be dumbed down and think robotically like everyone else. I truly fantasize about getting a lobotomy at times. I think it would be so refreshing to cut out part of my brain and just go with the grain and not give a shit about anyone or anything. To just be another sheep in the herd. My brain moves at warp speed from the moment I wake up until the moment these heavy eyelids finally close. It can be maddening at times. I calculate every move and scenario and conversation a hundred moves down the road like an insane game of cosmic chess. At times, I think it would be enough to put any average person in a mental institution.

Also attached to this brain is a heart that truly gives way too much of a shit about so many undeserving people. Its a vicious cycle. When I have people in my life that I care about, it almost gives me a temporary lobotomy. Its like a high that could never be reached with any drug. It feels good to be wrapped up in that moment because I would much rather give someone the world than do anything for myself. That's just me and that will always be me because I'd give my last dollar to anyone who has the ability to put a genuine smile on my face. Who has the ability to make me - even for one split second - forget how truly fucked up this world really is. It is such a simple thing that is taken for granted by so many. But it means more to me than most people will ever know.

And sometimes those people come along. But they are all like shooting stars. They all fade with time and walk out of your life as quickly as they walked in. And each one is a crack in the armor. No matter how big or small. They all add up and take their own personal tolls. Some people look at that as weakness. But I say fuck those people. If you have heart.. If you have backbone.. You aren't scared to embrace being human. Language and emotion is what separates us from animals. If you are scared to talk or feel than you are weak. You are afraid of yourself and everyone else.

One day I'll fit these puzzle pieces together right.