whiskey freakout.

thursday night, i had kind of a weird religious experience. and honestly, i feel like i still haven't woken up from that night. i kind of feel like peter from office space after he goes to see that hypnotist. anyways, that night after work, i went to my girl dawn's house, who was kind enough to fix me a huge plate of hot food because she's fuckin awesome like that. a few people came by, and from there we proceeded to finish a huge bottle of southern comfort and some beers. once the soco was done, we moved on to jack daniels. me, being the alcoholic that i am, found myself still awake in a house full of passed out drunk people at 5am, but yet i continued to sit in her kitchen and drink jack by myself.

for whatever reason, i put on godspeed you! black emperor, who i've blogged about a few times before. but it was this one song in specific. it's called sleep, and you can download it here. just right-click and save that shit. and listen to it. it's about 23 minutes long, but well worth the listen. these dudes write like epic, saga-type songs. almost like modern day operas. there are like 9 or 10 people in the band. violins, guitars, drums. so much shit. so amazing. if that link ever goes dead, hit me up and i'll get you a copy of the song.

ok so to me, this song is one of the most depressing songs ever made. i don't know what possessed me to put it on at 6am with a bottle of whiskey in my hands, but that's neither here nor there. anyway, one of my last memories was sitting in this kitchen, drinking, listening to this ultra-depressing song, and i just started thinking about all kinds of shit. old friends, old times and places, dead friends, dead relatives, childhood memories, shitty ex-girlfriends, my 16 year old dog who is probably going to die soon, my parents getting old. just a real volatile cocktail of shit spinning around my head at a million miles an hour. these thoughts, the inhuman amounts of alcohol in my blood, the song.. i'm not sure what snapped, but all that i knew was that i needed to be driving fast with the radio loud and the windows open with the cold air blasting me in the face. so that's what i did.

i vaguely remember any details of driving. i just know at this point people were out and about, probably heading to work (it was like 6:30-7am), and i was speeding around drunk out of my god damn mind on the verge of a mental breakdown. somehow, i made it home. i slept until almost 7pm the next day. i don't think i've ever slept that late in my life. i woke up and sat on the edge of my bed, staring at the wall for almost an hour. i got up, showered and went out, swearing i wasn't going to drink. but of course, i met up with carson and she always has a bottle of jack daniels handy, so the whole 'not-drinking' thing went right down the tubes. shit.

so we went over to halligan's in west orange because division east was throwing a video premier for the new alien workshop video called mind field. i have to say, it's one of the sickest skateboard videos i've seen in a long time. definitely worth owning. (available now at division east, by the way haha). anwyay, the skating is just ridiculous. the soundtrack is insane. the production was so, so amazing. so well put together. one of the dudes (josh kalis i think) actually skates to a bullymouth song that was put out by division east records, but those fucks didn't put shit about DE in the credits. but i digress.

i said my hellos when i got there and bullshitted with everyone for a while. but it didn't even seem real. i remember shape bought us a round of car bombs, and that got me a little wacky. but by a certain point, i pretty much sat in the corner of this bar drinking beers and barely talking to anyone. it was weird, i just felt like i was drugged or something. i was just in a constant daze, but i was focused on the video. i watched it twice in its entirety. i have to say, my friend carson really has a heart of gold. she knew i had some shit going on and she pretty much didn't leave my side for the whole night. thanks mi amor. after halligan's we stopped at the midland house to smoke a blunt. then i went home and passed out, but i still never felt like i ever woke up.

i kinda had another mini-freakout last night, but i think that might have been tequila-induced (thanks dawn haha). but yeah, i left the bar and didn't say anything to anyone and then i sent out some kinda nasty/sarcastic text messages which i feel really badly about. i don't know, it was kind of a blur, as was my drive home. i should probably stop doing that, as i'm pending trial for a felony right now. but i got home and to my surprise, there was a massive bottle of absinthe in my house. awesome. so, of course, i drank it until i fell over. literally. on my kitchen floor. then i went in my room and put on the most depressing song in the world. yeah, you guessed it. sleep by godspeed you! black emperor. then i passed out.

in my daze this weekend, i did manage to catch a couple flicks. this first one pretty much sums it up. that's the 'lights are on, but no one's home' look.